why i'm back to meat

it is incredibly hard for me to write this post because it somehow makes this more real.
like putting it here makes it final.

last week, i went to my holistic doctor to check my progress on my vegan diet.
and he confirmed what i already knew but didn't want to accept: i cannot continue eating this way.

not only did i gain almost 15 pounds in that short time, but my inflammation has gotten worse.

i know that a lot of it has to do with the fact that i really couldn't make the best gluten-free vegan choices on a college campus, but i just cannot afford to pay for groceries on top of all the money i had to pay for the required meal plan.



my doctor has suggested that i cut my carb intake and exponentially increase my protein intake. but every source of protein i can get here beyond tofu (which i also can't consume in excess) is high-carb and/or not gluten-free.

and so, i am back to meat.
and i am sad.

i sat in my room and cried for a while, and then i cried even more about how dramatic i was being. but it just meant so much to me, and i felt like my body was failing me once again.

and then i listed all of the magnificent things that my body does for me each and every day.
and then i told myself that once i graduate and make more than just a monthly stipend that i will do much more research and devote myself once again to making this work for me somehow.

nothing else will change - i am still using all vegan products and i will continue to avoid eating honey, gelatin, and other animal byproducts.
it still hurts to go back on my word, especially for a cause that means so much.
but i cannot let myself get unhealthy, and i am looking to the future for ways that i can make this work for me.