it is incredibly hard for me to write this post because it somehow makes this more real.
like putting it here makes it final.
last week, i went to my holistic doctor to check my progress on my vegan diet.
and he confirmed what i already knew but didn't want to accept: i cannot continue eating this way.
not only did i gain almost 15 pounds in that short time, but my inflammation has gotten worse.
i know that a lot of it has to do with the fact that i really couldn't make the best gluten-free vegan choices on a college campus, but i just cannot afford to pay for groceries on top of all the money i had to pay for the required meal plan.
my doctor has suggested that i cut my carb intake and exponentially increase my protein intake. but every source of protein i can get here beyond tofu (which i also can't consume in excess) is high-carb and/or not gluten-free.
and so, i am back to meat.
and i am sad.
i sat in my room and cried for a while, and then i cried even more about how dramatic i was being. but it just meant so much to me, and i felt like my body was failing me once again.
and then i listed all of the magnificent things that my body does for me each and every day.
and then i told myself that once i graduate and make more than just a monthly stipend that i will do much more research and devote myself once again to making this work for me somehow.
nothing else will change - i am still using all vegan products and i will continue to avoid eating honey, gelatin, and other animal byproducts.
it still hurts to go back on my word, especially for a cause that means so much.
but i cannot let myself get unhealthy, and i am looking to the future for ways that i can make this work for me.